The Failings of Facebook, Etc.

Written by Russ on December 11, 2007 – 1:37 am

Like a lot of people, I’ve got a Facebook account. I even check it with some frequency (thanks to that BlackBerry application that allows me to check for any status updates when I’ve got some spare moments) and update it with some regularity. But I wonder, just how honest is this?

Quite a few years ago, perhaps around 2000-ish, I started writing a personal blog. In my mind, that was well before blogging was big. I used a fun little nickname (which also fails, once everyone knows who you are) and I ranted and raved about whatever I’d chose. I had enough insight to be careful not to name names, but for the most part, nothing was off-limits on my blog.

For awhile.

Shameless self-promotion took over as readership increased (and perhaps those things fed each other). There was an addiction (and it probably took me until right now to admit that) to getting those updates about comments or various other interactions on the site. I checked-in frequently, often refreshing stats on advertising and readership. I enjoyed being in the fishbowl–and knowing people were watching me. In fact, I went out of my way to try and find humorous (juvenile, immature) antics to write about for the sake of maintaining an image I was trying to portray.

In retrospect, it was definitely an interesting experience, and I’m glad that one is behind me and I’ve turned the corner on that chapter of life.

That is an experience that, I think, makes me a bit wiser now. MySpace, Facebook, Friendster and the others all draw you in and they play on your desire to know about the updates of your various connection types, or your own desire to share what it is that you happen to be doing at this moment. It is intriguing and sometimes a little exciting to get caught up in their experience.

They certainly hope that you do. There’s big money in it for them.

But, what’s in it for you? I think a lot of people do not entirely realize what some of the ramifications of being a bit too flip in online communities can be. Ask anyone who has had to write a few personas in their day and I’m guessing that, like me, they’ll tell you that they utilize these social networking sites to do a little bit of background research. I bet that they’ll also tell you that at times they’re shocked at what people are willing to display to the general public about their habits and preferences.

I am a pretty caffeinated person, but I am fairly laid back when it comes to online content. I can laugh with the best of them when I’ve got my Russ hat on. However, if I were wearing a hiring manager hat and Googling your name to see what the professional behind the resume looks like on line, well, my take on your professionalism may shift a little bit if you are not practicing a bit of discretion.

Think about that. For those of you who work in a client-services industry, do you ever use LinkedIn, FaceBook, etc. to get a view into the client or the vendor? Most likely. I’ll admit that I do. I think it’s a bit of human nature to find out just how qualified someone that you are working with–I’ve seen it done at previous employers, and with negative results for other people. Perception was shifted based upon information that was readily found online in some public forum.

And therein lies a big enough problem. Still, this is not the biggest problem that I see with the social networking sites.

The biggest problem that I see is one that involves how you interact with your friends, peers and acquaintances that you allow yourself to be connected to.

First and foremost, have you ever declined an online connection with someone on one of the social networking sites? I once had someone–a co-worker–tell me NO on LinkedIn and I did not even want to see him in passing in the hallway anymore. Awkward, thy name is Social Networking Rejection.

Have you ever accepted a connection with someone that you work with–but that you are not really social with? For example, my current boss and I are connected on Facebook. We don’t go catch a movie together or go and grab a beer together, but I think he’s a good guy and I would not work for him if I felt otherwise. That said, the instant that the connection was accepted, I noticed that I began to lightly filter things that I posted. The more that other people from work were added, the more that I noticed I became less flip and more cautious about how I would allow myself to be perceived on Facebook. I’m older, and I like to think a bit wiser, and I feel comfortable enough in my skin that it really is a lot easier to be “me” online these days, but I do not think that a lot of people are at that point–at least after reviewing over a hundred various Facebook profiles.

However, by virtue of a professional relationship, it may be wise–if not necessary–to apply a filter to your publicly available social networking information. Perhaps it is best to just maintain a private profile that does not allow itself to be easily found or added. Of course, what does that say about you? Are you too private? Are you hiding something? I think that seems silly, but I also think that history should show us that we can all be silly from time to tome.

Likewise, if I would no have allowed my boss to be my friend on Facebook, what would that say about me? I ask this regardless of what it should say–when it comes to feelings and impressions, most times what should be done gets thrown out the window. If I would have rejected his offer of friendship, would I have look like an anti-social jerkwad? Do I look like one because I don’t have a large number of friends as it is?

This is where I see the biggest failing of Facebook, etc.

Just last week, a friend of mine posted a status update that she had the just been on one of the worst interviews of her professional career. There is no way on earth that I could post that on my Facebook status. Instead, I would need to find the right way to get ahold of my closest friends and let them know what was going on–perhaps IM, email or a call on the cellphone (while driving). If one of your connections is an acquaintance and not a friend, could you broadcast a status update about a gathering that the friend was not invited to and risk hurting their feelings or having them invite themselves? There is a breakdown that starts to happen as you allow yourself to become the equivalent of “online popular”. Eventually, you may find yourself censoring yourself.

Ultimately, you return a very personal method of communication with your inner circle. That may be an instant message, an email to a small group or even 1-to-1 conversations via telephone or in-person when it comes to truly personal or sensitive matters.

FaceBook, LinkedIn, MySpace–you name it. These have become a personality promotion tool for yourself. These are tools that allow you to promote yourself in the way that you want people to see you, but ultimately not the person you really are. There is a famous quote out there that loosely states:

“I am not who I think I am, I am not who you think I am, but I am who I think you think I am.”

These tools are here to help us all take that the whatever Nth level we desire. However, the internet has a memory, and we need to remember that. Google caches pages. There are archive sites with previous information stored, and even those brief snapshots could be just enough to cost any of us something important to us tomorrow from a lapse in judgment or discretion.

This also serves as a notice to users: When you eventually do tire of your social networking flavor of the week and move on, you may want to consider revisiting your existing profiles and do a bit of house cleaning.

The realization of this, or the impact of this may not be immediate. It may take quite awhile to even recognize that it is starting to happen, and when it does, the shine will start to fade a little on the shiny new toy, no matter how many new tools, applications or vampire/werewolf attacks you may endure (I ignore those faster than you can send them, just in case you are curious). Eventually, you may move on to the next big thing–until everyone else finds you and you begin to feel that you may be censoring yourself again. And then it’s on to the next next thing. I made a nice Venn Diagram to help illustrate how this particular point may play out in the future:

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